My Return to Competition: The War From Within (part 1)

It was just a week after a 3 year hiatus where I made my return to competition at the Grappling X tournament in Long Beach, California. Going up against two great competitors I was able to overcome in route to becoming the 135 blue Grappling X champion. Although getting the gold and standing on top of that podium was great the victory had a more deeper meaning for me which far exceeded a title obtained that day. That day i was able to conquer the biggest enemy I was always afraid to take on..... "MYSELF"

Not to sound crazy but to understand I would have to take you on a brief timeline of my sad history in competition. A story I am now able to openly admit about to anyone reading this blog. Since starting competing in 2005 looking back I can truly say I never knew what it meant to be a competitor. I had different thoughts about competition ranging from just "going out there and doing my best" to even " a fight to the death with a individual trying to hurt me for whatever reason. In a nutshell i was a puzzled mofo.

My theory couldn't be any accurate in my mind at the time after my first no-gi tournament on September 7 of 2005 which left me bloody, a dislocated arm, and a broken spirit that change my life forever.Since that incident I went into future competitions fueled off emotion. No game plan, no technique, just pure rage for my enemy across from me. So much so it got me put on JUDO PAROLE after an incident back in 06. As time progressed I tried my hand at Gi BJJ tournaments in 08 things still remained the same unfortunately (even with my share of wins and loses) and after my 2009 loss at mundials and getting injured in the fight I felt in my heart competition was not for me anymore.

Years passed I began to get older. Had 2 surgeries (non-training related), body got slower, training wasn't right at the time and my mind became non-motivated. At that point i became cool with just training, learning, and meet great people on the mat.Settling down sorta speak. But as all things in life a change was over the hill for me which gave me a new purpose in life which took me on a new path through a new found love for writing articles.

Although I never got paid for 95 % of the article I written the new outlet gave me a new focus in life for helping many great rising stars in BJJ and MMA. Surprisingly it allowed me to establish many great friendship I never could get from competing while also establishing a feeling of importance that I was good at something.Through becoming friends with some of them I began to realize they had alot of qualities i saw in myself ..Only problem was I had a hard time bringing it out

Training also took a drastic turn for the better. After leaving HBJJ I soon found myself training with a very interesting character in the form of  BJJ world champion Xande Ribeiro. To sum it up in a nutshell the training and people i train with are great.

With the inspirational figures i met through my writing and a positive training atmosphere it seemed like I may have had what it take to compete again.NOT REALLY.Time would pass through the year of 2012 and for some reason all I could do was sit an watch all my friends compete and people i did articles on rise to the top. It ATE me alive inside. Why cant i go back out there again ?! What is holding me back ?! Where is my Fighter's Heart ?

Then that is when i realized..I was still haunted from my tournament experiences in the past..something that never left me for over seven years. Somehow an intervention needed to be made ASAP because deep down it was tearing me apart.

The breakthrough would unfold in late September of this year. After a intense training session with Xande he gave a great speech about his life of being a competitor . This speech touched my heart which gave me some encouragement for wanting to go out there again.

The ice break would occur from three great people I meet through my writing in the form of Gary Peters, Shane Lees, and Josh Cavan (BE SURE TO CHECK THEIR ARTICLES OUT). To say they are great fighters is understatement but their story's they bring to the cage are quiet remarkable. These along with many other i wrote about..were people with out fear, people who brought a purpose that no matter what danger they were in was going to see the battle through to the end at all cost.

 Talking to these individuals about what i wanted to do they gave me great mental advice
 for getting prepared for the battle ahead. Becoming a better man than i once was, giving it everything i have, and overcoming the demon of fatigue was all the motivation I needed to step up and  finally do it again.

for the 1st time i knew what it meant to be a competitor, for the first time I had a purpose, for the first time I knew what i was going there to fight for.

 so from that moment I signed up for my 1 BJJ tournament in three years...................


(stay tuned for part 2)