Trial and Error Solution: The Influential Friendship of John Filte

Trial and Error, a simplified technique used to solve problems. It is a fact that everything/everyone will encounter a flaw in their system however good thing trial and error assist with correcting them in helping us to become better. Even Destiny is not immune to the trial and error effect especially when it covers building relationships with other individuals. Good thing Destiny is a quick thinker because while it sometime forgets to tie people in blood relations it makes up for the mistake as it builds true friendships that inevitability makes a strong positive influence in our lives.

December 2013 showcased another example of this trial and error link theory as I would cross paths with an individual who like myself was on his troublesome life sail (blog details about sailing here). The individual I encountered on this sail was none other than John Flite.

From an outsider looking in John Flite may seem like your average guy traveling down his own life sail. Sadly during these long four decades of sailing he has had to deal with his shares of many heavy storms and trials which I learned about through mutual friend Jay Hayes

Here is a small background on John Flite and  his life
John Flite : My name is John Flite. I am a Philadelphia Probation Officer but BJJ is my passion. I am 42 years old and married to my wife Amy. I am a father of two kids. Gabe is 11 and Rosie is 17. I have been training BJJ for a little over 5 years. In August I was promoted to the rank of purple belt by Jared Weiner. My son Gabe also trains under Jared also. This was suppose to be an exciting time for my family. My daughter is a senior in high school and will be off to collage next year. After I revived my purple belt I noticed my energy levels were off. I went to the Doctor and on October 7, 2013 I was diagnosed with Leukemia. I was told it was in 40% of my bone marrow and that I would have to be admitted to the hospital to receive chemo therapy. I was admitted on October 14, 2013 and as of this writing (12/11/13) I have been hospitalized since. I was given two rounds of intensive chemo therapy which seems to have crushed the cancer for now. My Doctor said I may be discharged within the next few days depending on the results of a couple more tests. I have done my best to stay positive the whole time. I keep telling myself that I refuse to be sick! I started writing about my situation on Facebook and was amazed by the outpouring of support I was getting from the BJJ community! Many people that I have never meet reached out offering support to me and my family. It touched me and has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I think Leukemia is going to make me a better person in the end! I am not sure what the future holds for me. I may need more chemo down the line and I may need a bone marrow transplant but my Doctor is optimistic about me being cured! I continue to fight this battle and refuse to stop until I win! I couldn't do it by myself. Without the support of my family and the BJJ community I'm not sure that I would be doing as well as I am.

Although exhausted from a roller coaster year at the conclusion of 2013 it was something about his story that struck me deeply. Maybe it was the pictures I saw. Maybe it was his heartfelt wall post. Maybe even it was reflective of what I was going through. Whatever the case may have been at the time something deep inside me wanted to help not just by putting together a one time “charity” Grapplethon event but also to show John he had support from an unfamiliar ally that cared about what he was going through. Although non-coherent of John’s thoughts of my actions at the time, I believe it was just my instincts and the selfless efforts of everyone involved which made it meaningful because a lot of times it just about doing what rights in an effort solve the many problems that exist in the world thus molding us to become our own teachers that professionalize in the many highs and lows of life.

Even after Quick-Stop Grapplethon I still made it my mission to still be a part of John’s life checking up on his status regularly. In my mind I felt the Grapplethon wasn’t enough and he deserved a lot more because although a “charity” event can be helpful the money collected only last for a short period of time which can easily be extended by just showing continual support through that still heavy storm a person is going through.
 

As time moved forward into 2014 it seem like John’s fight with Leukemia was getting tougher and tougher which found me keeping in touch every step of the way. However somewhere along my sail during the early stages of this year a bunch of personal problems arose in my life which reached an overloading break point after Grapplethon: Team Dana Moore. Although there is no need to get into details I will say at a time where I should be at my happiest I wasn't. I was sad and downright depressed for various reasons. It is almost as if everything was zapped out of me as I had nothing to give to anyone let alone myself.

Yet though going through his own tough battle, John Flite was never hesitant to show support to his friends in their dark times which only confirmed those old school stories of him on the mean streets of Philly. He was one of the few people at that time that cared giving me encouraging words and simply letting me know I wasn’t small. It was those qualities that I admired about him and was a direct reflection of who I was clearly depicted as a man that no matter what cared about his friends something that is rarely shown because of people’s “busy schedules” these days  which made me want to meet him face to face.

Then a light bulb flashed in my head as I told myself why not make it happen and make a trip to the East Coast to say Hi.  Making the trip to Philly and New York the trip couldn’t have come at a better time as it was not only my birthday week but also the same week of John’s post bone marrow transplant was going down so I choose to make the meeting a surprise visit. Man was I in for a great trip!

Landing in Philly on May 14 I got some time to tour the city with the help of John's long time friend Pete, get a nice rest at my hotel in downtown Philly, and  some awesome  training at great/welcoming grappling gyms in the area. You can almost say that it was definitely anticipating build up to what was to come. Like meeting Dana back in March waking up the very next day was exciting and nervous time for me as I set sails to HUP (Hospital University of Pennsylvania). A lot of thoughts raced through my mind ( sorry blame it on my anxiety) as I walked into the hospital taking that elevator to the 7th floor.

 

Will this visit be worth the long 5 hour trip to Philly ?  

Will he know who I am ? 

His reaction ? 

Is he on crazy meds ? ( that was a joke John sorry) 

 

Those thoughts soon were replaced with me being puzzled when the door opened. As we walked into the room no one was there which left me curious and more nervous (Pete could tell) as I sat in the lounge couch with a heart racing 100 beats per minute. Then about a minute later a bathroom door opened and it was the Philly Bad Ass himself John Flite rocking a grey shirt and some Gi pants (john doesn't wear hospital gowns). At the time I couldn’t tell if he was surprise to see me but it was very overwhelming seeing John for the first time as I had did have mixed emotions as he greeted me with a mean j/k (happy) glare. One part of me was excited to finally meet a brother that was great support to me and vise-versa. On the other hand I was extremely hurt to see him in the condition he was in with all that stuff hooked on to him. I always heard sad stories about the process of fighting cancer and even seen pictures of it but to view it with my own two eyes was very graphic and hurt to see someone I cared about go through that something like that a fate I wish no human being not even my worst enemy has to bear.

 

However as time progressed those five minutes of silence soon turned into a 2 hour and 45 minute full thortle conversation amongst us all (me,john,and pete) about everything from our lives, Pro Wrestling (ECW), BJJ, Dumb Nurses, and other topics. His personality was what I honestly expected  which can only be described as outspoken, hysterical at times, and most importantly very reflective on his life including the people in it. It was almost like catching up with a long lost brother I haven’t spoken with in a long time. I can’t speak for John but in my opinion it was worth the trip and a memorable moment that I will ever forget although I sure we will meet up in the future for more great memories or so I thought. 

 

Although I knew he was back in the hospital on life support I didnt think too much of it as I thought he would be back to normal and I will be chatting with him on that typical monday morning. Sadly that wasnt the case as I found out about the passing of my brother John Flite after my tournament. There was a big part of me that didnt think it was true because I was just speaking with him before I left for Seattle when he was telling me to just have fun at the tournament I competed in and some other things. Then as the texts and facebook posts flood that is when I had no choice but to face the cold reality that I lost my closest grapplethon star friend and brother.

 

To say Im hurt is an understatement becuase after all this is nothing new to me as I lost 3 friends in 2013. During the day in my somewhat selfish state I try to block it out as if John never existed as if what all happen was just a dream. Neverthless when the busy days slow down and I lay down in my bed where only my mind, 4 dark corner walls, sleepless nights, and a pillow of tears that is when it hits hard and cant ignore the fact you lost someone that you loved and cared about.

 

John 's passing has just made me feel upset,sad, and empty inside. Empty that I dont have friend to talk to now anymore, care enough to ask me how my day was going, or curious about my problems when he had his own. Sad over the fact that I gotta live in a fantasy of wondering what could have happen next year when we cliqued up when I made my return to Philly along with many more future expereinces and lastly upset that Amy, Roise,and Gabe have to carry the burdens no wife or children should have to go through.

However as I sit here and write this blog there is another apart of me that has a sense of gratitude because I was so blessed to meet a great person that made such a difference in my life. John taught me so much in the past year Ive known him . Hetaught me how to deal with problems a little better, taught me how to have a deeper care for myself, facing adversity, love life and most importantly always continue to show support to others going through their own troublesome storms life has given them.

It said in gym training that pain is a weakness leaving the body and yeah the pain of your passing is still fresh however at least I can say I had the honor and pleasure of knowing the only Philly Bad Ass John Flite so I can't complain too much.

To end this blog I just want to say thank you john for everything you did for me. I truly gonna miss you and hope to see you again someday if my imperfect self can make it pass those white gates.

 

I love you brother 

PMA mob all Day.. while becoming 1% better

-monta (pronounced like Monday with a"T" replacing the D)