Trial and Error Solution: The Influential Friendship of John Filte

Trial and Error, a simplified technique used to solve problems. It is a fact that everything/everyone will encounter a flaw in their system however good thing trial and error assist with correcting them in helping us to become better. Even Destiny is not immune to the trial and error effect especially when it covers building relationships with other individuals. Good thing Destiny is a quick thinker because while it sometime forgets to tie people in blood relations it makes up for the mistake as it builds true friendships that inevitability makes a strong positive influence in our lives.

December 2013 showcased another example of this trial and error link theory as I would cross paths with an individual who like myself was on his troublesome life sail (blog details about sailing here). The individual I encountered on this sail was none other than John Flite.

From an outsider looking in John Flite may seem like your average guy traveling down his own life sail. Sadly during these long four decades of sailing he has had to deal with his shares of many heavy storms and trials which I learned about through mutual friend Jay Hayes

Here is a small background on John Flite and  his life
John Flite : My name is John Flite. I am a Philadelphia Probation Officer but BJJ is my passion. I am 42 years old and married to my wife Amy. I am a father of two kids. Gabe is 11 and Rosie is 17. I have been training BJJ for a little over 5 years. In August I was promoted to the rank of purple belt by Jared Weiner. My son Gabe also trains under Jared also. This was suppose to be an exciting time for my family. My daughter is a senior in high school and will be off to collage next year. After I revived my purple belt I noticed my energy levels were off. I went to the Doctor and on October 7, 2013 I was diagnosed with Leukemia. I was told it was in 40% of my bone marrow and that I would have to be admitted to the hospital to receive chemo therapy. I was admitted on October 14, 2013 and as of this writing (12/11/13) I have been hospitalized since. I was given two rounds of intensive chemo therapy which seems to have crushed the cancer for now. My Doctor said I may be discharged within the next few days depending on the results of a couple more tests. I have done my best to stay positive the whole time. I keep telling myself that I refuse to be sick! I started writing about my situation on Facebook and was amazed by the outpouring of support I was getting from the BJJ community! Many people that I have never meet reached out offering support to me and my family. It touched me and has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I think Leukemia is going to make me a better person in the end! I am not sure what the future holds for me. I may need more chemo down the line and I may need a bone marrow transplant but my Doctor is optimistic about me being cured! I continue to fight this battle and refuse to stop until I win! I couldn't do it by myself. Without the support of my family and the BJJ community I'm not sure that I would be doing as well as I am.

Although exhausted from a roller coaster year at the conclusion of 2013 it was something about his story that struck me deeply. Maybe it was the pictures I saw. Maybe it was his heartfelt wall post. Maybe even it was reflective of what I was going through. Whatever the case may have been at the time something deep inside me wanted to help not just by putting together a one time “charity” Grapplethon event but also to show John he had support from an unfamiliar ally that cared about what he was going through. Although non-coherent of John’s thoughts of my actions at the time, I believe it was just my instincts and the selfless efforts of everyone involved which made it meaningful because a lot of times it just about doing what rights in an effort solve the many problems that exist in the world thus molding us to become our own teachers that professionalize in the many highs and lows of life.

Even after Quick-Stop Grapplethon I still made it my mission to still be a part of John’s life checking up on his status regularly. In my mind I felt the Grapplethon wasn’t enough and he deserved a lot more because although a “charity” event can be helpful the money collected only last for a short period of time which can easily be extended by just showing continual support through that still heavy storm a person is going through.
 

As time moved forward into 2014 it seem like John’s fight with Leukemia was getting tougher and tougher which found me keeping in touch every step of the way. However somewhere along my sail during the early stages of this year a bunch of personal problems arose in my life which reached an overloading break point after Grapplethon: Team Dana Moore. Although there is no need to get into details I will say at a time where I should be at my happiest I wasn't. I was sad and downright depressed for various reasons. It is almost as if everything was zapped out of me as I had nothing to give to anyone let alone myself.

Yet though going through his own tough battle, John Flite was never hesitant to show support to his friends in their dark times which only confirmed those old school stories of him on the mean streets of Philly. He was one of the few people at that time that cared giving me encouraging words and simply letting me know I wasn’t small. It was those qualities that I admired about him and was a direct reflection of who I was clearly depicted as a man that no matter what cared about his friends something that is rarely shown because of people’s “busy schedules” these days  which made me want to meet him face to face.

Then a light bulb flashed in my head as I told myself why not make it happen and make a trip to the East Coast to say Hi.  Making the trip to Philly and New York the trip couldn’t have come at a better time as it was not only my birthday week but also the same week of John’s post bone marrow transplant was going down so I choose to make the meeting a surprise visit. Man was I in for a great trip!

Landing in Philly on May 14 I got some time to tour the city with the help of John's long time friend Pete, get a nice rest at my hotel in downtown Philly, and  some awesome  training at great/welcoming grappling gyms in the area. You can almost say that it was definitely anticipating build up to what was to come. Like meeting Dana back in March waking up the very next day was exciting and nervous time for me as I set sails to HUP (Hospital University of Pennsylvania). A lot of thoughts raced through my mind ( sorry blame it on my anxiety) as I walked into the hospital taking that elevator to the 7th floor.

 

Will this visit be worth the long 5 hour trip to Philly ?  

Will he know who I am ? 

His reaction ? 

Is he on crazy meds ? ( that was a joke John sorry) 

 

Those thoughts soon were replaced with me being puzzled when the door opened. As we walked into the room no one was there which left me curious and more nervous (Pete could tell) as I sat in the lounge couch with a heart racing 100 beats per minute. Then about a minute later a bathroom door opened and it was the Philly Bad Ass himself John Flite rocking a grey shirt and some Gi pants (john doesn't wear hospital gowns). At the time I couldn’t tell if he was surprise to see me but it was very overwhelming seeing John for the first time as I had did have mixed emotions as he greeted me with a mean j/k (happy) glare. One part of me was excited to finally meet a brother that was great support to me and vise-versa. On the other hand I was extremely hurt to see him in the condition he was in with all that stuff hooked on to him. I always heard sad stories about the process of fighting cancer and even seen pictures of it but to view it with my own two eyes was very graphic and hurt to see someone I cared about go through that something like that a fate I wish no human being not even my worst enemy has to bear.

 

However as time progressed those five minutes of silence soon turned into a 2 hour and 45 minute full thortle conversation amongst us all (me,john,and pete) about everything from our lives, Pro Wrestling (ECW), BJJ, Dumb Nurses, and other topics. His personality was what I honestly expected  which can only be described as outspoken, hysterical at times, and most importantly very reflective on his life including the people in it. It was almost like catching up with a long lost brother I haven’t spoken with in a long time. I can’t speak for John but in my opinion it was worth the trip and a memorable moment that I will ever forget although I sure we will meet up in the future for more great memories or so I thought. 

 

Although I knew he was back in the hospital on life support I didnt think too much of it as I thought he would be back to normal and I will be chatting with him on that typical monday morning. Sadly that wasnt the case as I found out about the passing of my brother John Flite after my tournament. There was a big part of me that didnt think it was true because I was just speaking with him before I left for Seattle when he was telling me to just have fun at the tournament I competed in and some other things. Then as the texts and facebook posts flood that is when I had no choice but to face the cold reality that I lost my closest grapplethon star friend and brother.

 

To say Im hurt is an understatement becuase after all this is nothing new to me as I lost 3 friends in 2013. During the day in my somewhat selfish state I try to block it out as if John never existed as if what all happen was just a dream. Neverthless when the busy days slow down and I lay down in my bed where only my mind, 4 dark corner walls, sleepless nights, and a pillow of tears that is when it hits hard and cant ignore the fact you lost someone that you loved and cared about.

 

John 's passing has just made me feel upset,sad, and empty inside. Empty that I dont have friend to talk to now anymore, care enough to ask me how my day was going, or curious about my problems when he had his own. Sad over the fact that I gotta live in a fantasy of wondering what could have happen next year when we cliqued up when I made my return to Philly along with many more future expereinces and lastly upset that Amy, Roise,and Gabe have to carry the burdens no wife or children should have to go through.

However as I sit here and write this blog there is another apart of me that has a sense of gratitude because I was so blessed to meet a great person that made such a difference in my life. John taught me so much in the past year Ive known him . Hetaught me how to deal with problems a little better, taught me how to have a deeper care for myself, facing adversity, love life and most importantly always continue to show support to others going through their own troublesome storms life has given them.

It said in gym training that pain is a weakness leaving the body and yeah the pain of your passing is still fresh however at least I can say I had the honor and pleasure of knowing the only Philly Bad Ass John Flite so I can't complain too much.

To end this blog I just want to say thank you john for everything you did for me. I truly gonna miss you and hope to see you again someday if my imperfect self can make it pass those white gates.

 

I love you brother 

PMA mob all Day.. while becoming 1% better

-monta (pronounced like Monday with a"T" replacing the D)

 

Nice vs Respect: The Constructive Spectacle

There is always room for improvement and growth. I would have liked to think that this life was just a personal adventure of mine trying to be 1 % better. Little did I know in the mist of  my configuring it would also become a viewing platform to be judged by people and vise versa.

Yes impression is everything because after all it places a distinct label that gives us an image to be recognized in a positive or negative light . An individual characterized as a nice person and person of respect are amongst these character features. Placed in the positive brackets although they have similarities, NICE & RESPECT are in two entirely different playing fields for presenting the unveiling of a person's true character.

Whenever we meet someone in life most of the time 99.9 % of  all initial interactions start off nice. A formal greeting, a smile, cool convo all of these actions spell out "Nice Person". However don't be to quick to place a label yet as it is just an introduction to a plot that is bound to unfold. When analyzing the "NICE PERSON" moniker I like to compare it to looking at the opening scene of a movie. Everything seems nice but as the story develops it takes you through twist and turns which gives you a full idea of what the story is all about. At its climatic conclusion it will leave an opinion in your mind after going through the film. Now how does a movie viewing relate to people being labeled NICE you ask ?

Being NICE does not necessarily mean Good. As a matter of fact NICE can turn into a variety of things which  in most case can turn bad centering on one's selfish ambitions and how a truly good hearted person can be manipulated in the crossfire. Bad love relationships, backstabbing, online predators, and ego driven competitors who deep down only care about themselves. The list goes on and on as  people's character becomes an exact replica of a "movie" that started off good but ended up bad to the public eye.

However don't want to make this blog entirely a negative bashing because to every bad side there is also good which can be shown through how being Nice transforms into Respect. When looking at a Person of Respect this type of individual has developed a wealth of knowledge based on the experiences he/she has gone through. This understanding  allows one to interpret things better to formulate actions which can make a strong impact on themselves and the people they interact with.

Actions certainly speak louder than words these days especially if someone is on the receiving end of it. Being nice is just small tip of the iceberg but as your character gets more exposed people will have a higher opinion on you which certainly requires a level of appreciation for something you partake in.

Instructors, Political Activist, Serviceman to the community, your parents, spouse and even world renounced athletes you may admire they all have worked hard on maturing themselves  to fitting their current roles which has simultaneously touched people's lives in a positive way.

I can name a number of people whose actions toward myself and others who fit the title of Respect. Although some of their personalities may be strong and sometimes not accommodating which is totally acceptable because at least you are being openly honest of who you are. These People of Respect are without fear, have with strong morals/values , and most importantly know how to use them to bring about some change  within the masses which inspires me to follow the same pattern.

When I look at myself in the mirror I would like to consider myself as neither in the nice or respect categories ( you can be the judge of that), if anything I can be placed in the Frustrated category -lol-. I'm frustrated with people, why sad events happen, and overall why bullshit exist. However don't misinterpret me as a baby in the corner crying and WHYinng over spilt milk. The cool thing about being frustrated is that I become a student of life which allows try make sense of things to help develop my own perception of whats right and whats wrong. All of this information I am collecting along my journey allows me to figure out ways to help myself improve so i can be a better son, better friend, better co-worker, and other life titles whose  constantly working to earn that self-respect for myself.

That frustrating task doesn't stop there for me because it wouldn't be fun if I keep all this information for myself. That is why I assert myself in my attempt to applying this learning toward helping others to make them understand we are not alone lets push together for change. So I guess I'm on the road to one day becoming a person of respect.

After reading this blog take a moment of your day to just reflect on events in your life which defined of who you were then, now, and who you want to be in the future. What makes those actions meaningful  in a way that contributes to something far greater than yourself ? These are the questions that are gradually getting explained though what you do and its interpretation on others.

As for you people stuck in the NICE phase continue you build yourself properly so people can have a better idea of who you are. Its always a good compliment when some address you as being nice but its even better when someone has enough background data based on your actions to tell the world why.

and for you Nice people that really arent..stop being fake with yourself and life cause it will come back to bit you.

Keep it real sorta speak :-)

1 % Better

monta

  

The BJJ World Champion Validation: Thoughts of an Apathetic Participant

Validation, Validation, Validation that certified stamp of approval to producing those desired results. The  thing that makes one tick, gives something worth fighting for, and through it all makes anyone 1 % better in that continual journey of reaching his/her goals. This concept goes hand in hand with any driven life aspiration especially when it comes to being an athlete hoping to claim one's share of the world championship status.

A art which has gone through many phases from  self-defense stages to tough man superiority  to the athletic realm we are in today becoming a BJJ World Champion is the ultimate prize every serious BJJ competitor aspires to become. Its capturing can bring wonders in a person's life ranging from fame, self-confidence boost, self worth, and future financial stability which are all extra rewards coming from that validation of achieving that ultimate goal.

A little over a year ago I wrote a blog that got mixed reviews concerning the 97 % er vs. the 3 % er . I am one to always admit my wrong and when I look back I think I was a total idiot for writing it because although I have a problem with people's personalities,when it comes to competing who am I to judge what's in a person's heart, just as who is anyone to judge what's in mine. So lets finally eliminate these bullshit percentage classes the media has segregated everyone with and open up about the real nature of this topic, and answer a question a lot of people have asked me "Why I Don't Have a Goal of Becoming World Champion "?

Before I reveal my answer I want to take a moment and talk briefly about why becoming world champion is important in this age of BJJ. As mentioned earlier this art or as we call it today sport has gone through major transitional phases since it groundbreaking introduction in 1994 by Royce Gracie. Somewhere along that trail new ideas sprung, the bar needed to be raised which reached a conclusion that BJJ needed to mature sorta speak in its vision of opening more opportunities for those partcipating in it thus producing the World Champion Title which has inspired many for the past 7 years (IBJJF Worlds came to the states in 2007). Hours in the gym perfecting skills, physical tear in the body, mental anguish, and that none hesitation of destroying another competitor's dreams, that self-preservation mentality comes with that validation of knowing you are the best at what you do not only answering the doubts in your mind but also for fellow peers to witness.

This driven motivation  is no different from my open dialogue of my Battle Within blog series  in regards to why I compete. So from a viewer standpoint these World Champion medal chasers are somewhat people we can relate to because it inspires  us to push forward to getting what we desire in life. Nevertheless some people prefer apples while some prefer oranges  which evidently creates a different mindset touching on each person's journey which brings me to Why I don't have the goal of becoming a World Champion in BJJ.

Although this was a fantasy that once lived in my head based on what I perceived as BEING GREAT, the stage that I am at in my life right now  becoming a world champion does not give me fulfillment whatsoever and if  it ever did happen it would be because I was just out there challenging myself. As most athlete medal chasers have their own journeys, I also have mine marked with many highs and lows which has personally affected me molding me to becoming the man I am today. Just the general aspect about meeting people both good impressions and bad, learning new things, and testing myself in competition are the main components which helps me to becoming a better individual. If anyone who knows me personally or just by what you read in the blogs I'm a pretty serious and  passionate guy focused on becoming better in life taking those lessons learned through my grappling pracitices to deal with life outside the gym and showing humility to help those around me. This is what makes me tick, this is what makes putting my gi worth fighting for as I search constantly for that validation I know for a fact I'm far from reaching of just being a better man.

In addition for those that reach the World Championship status there is a major bad habit of mine of taking shit personal ( I'm working on it btw -haha-) when I perceive certain things.Looking from a viewers perspective being world champion does come with it share of many problems. You acquire your collection of haters, news critics who want to boost their credibility through your shortcomings, fans who only like you when your on top, and even fake friends/acquaintances who want to take your spot. These are things I completely despise about what hard working people have to go through and is something I don't want to have to deal with being a non-athlete/personal guy. Seeing the type of stuff once loved/famous  indivudals have to go through I rather to remain in mediocrity striving toward my goal where only myself and those close to me will truly appreciate me and know my story.

Aside from another layer to understanding yours truly the biggest thing I want everyone to take away from this blog is simple concept of that journey searching for that validation. Remember it your journey and although others may criticize it, no one will understand it but you so keep pushing forward.But whatever that goal may be in your heart ...always remember whatever it is you are becoming better than you once were

1% better

-monta