October 26 a day to be remembered but also a day to be ignored. Not in the context of that it wasn't important but rather ignore in the sense of you wish it never happened. 365 days seems like yesterday as I walked proudly off the mats at the Subfighter No-Gi tournament overcoming what I thought was the end of "The Battle Within" fear. Nervous about fighting (competing) as always looking back I sometimes I ask myself what was the fuss about. I was alive, hanging with friends, eating acai, and challenging myself in a positive way in a sport/practice I love. From a positive side of competing I viewed that day as a reminder about how precious life was and how it is not to be taken for granted.However it's funny how some lessons have to come in an unforgiving cruel fashion which I would discover when I got home getting the news of your passing due after long hard fought battle with cancer.
The news seemed far from the truth because I just spoke with you before I went to Seattle and most importantly when you did get sick you always pulled through. I was confused, hurt, and numb from it all . As mentioned in my blog Trail and Error losing friends, family, and even another Grapplethon star (Frank Edge) was nothing new to me. Yet for some reason as the months went on I never recovered from your death as I found myself expecting a typical Monday text message before I start my paper job or at least "like" from a facebook post. Maybe it was because I considered you like an older brother I wish I had coming up. Maybe because like me not matter how hurt you were you were selfless in you ability to care for others. Maybe it just the human nature aspect of not wanting to see anything bad happen to you. Whatever the reason may be it left me miserable because I couldn't do anything in seeing or talking to my friend again.
Yet choosing to not be stagnant especially in a negative state no one stays down for the count because I know for a fact you wouldn't want me doing that shit.The road to recovery was a long building period during that time from October 26 2014 to April of 2015. I can honestly say if it wasn't for your friends I was luckily to be able to meet through you to talk to (Pete and Brian), a new hobby in Improv, and having PMA I would have fully sunken into a deeper depression than what I already was.
Time moved forward into the year of 2015 as I founded myself getting better. Traveling, meeting great people on the road, competing at the highest level, and doing other stuff that made life fulfilling for me. Yet even in the mist of all this activity there''s not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I sometimes wonder why is that.
Then it all hit me as I had to reference a quote I made in my previous blog dedicated to you.
Then it all hit me as I had to reference a quote I made in my previous blog dedicated to you.
"However as I sit here and write this blog there is another apart of me that has a sense of gratitude because I was so blessed to meet a great person that made such a difference in my life. John taught me so much in the past year Ive known him . He taught me how to deal with problems a little better, taught me how to have a deeper care for myself, facing adversity, love life and most importantly always continue to show support to others going through their own troublesome storms life has given them."
It is these values that are forever instilled in my heart which allows me to push forward . I can see it through my passion for helping others and also myself at anything I put my mind to even if I do fumble at times.So in some sense it is as if you are always looking out for me
This without a sad day to remember. However as much as many us try to ignore it that idea would to deny you ever existed which is impossible based on some many people's lives you touched.
This without a sad day to remember. However as much as many us try to ignore it that idea would to deny you ever existed which is impossible based on some many people's lives you touched.
So I once again find myself reciting the same closing speech as I did a year ago.
Thanks Again for everything John. I miss you everyday man yet glad I was blessed to meet the only Philly Bad Ass John Flite for it continues to make a positive impact on my life.
Love you brother
Still PMA mob all day ...........striving to become 1 % better.
Monta ( pronounced like Monday w/ a "T' replacing the "D")
